CAN MEN AND WOMEN BE JUST FRIENDS?
Your childhood friend decides to tell you he loves you totally out of the blue? You become terribly jealous each time your best friend tells you he has a new girlfriend? Well: that’s a classic. Let me tell you whether I think that a man and woman can really be just friends.
WHY IS IT SO HARD?
The nice thing about friends is that they usually know everything about one another; they spend a lot of time together, help eachother, and keep each other’s secrets. Is it possible to stay just friends without neither the boy nor the girl starting having feelings for one another? Well, I think it is, but it requires a lot of effort. Why? Let me explain.
It’s widely known that common interests, the feeling of safety, and honesty are the core of the perfect relationship. Many affairs start from two people simply sharing interests. 😉 If common interests are joined by weekend getaways and long talks till dawn (especially those accompanied by wine 😉 ), it gets even harder to hold one’s feelings – back 😉
The guy who never lets you down, supports you when you’re feeling blue and has pizza with you in the middle of the night? Don’t get surprised if one day you wake up and realize… you’re in love with him.
When it comes to having girlfriends, the matter is simple – you live like sisters. The matter gets complicated when it’s a guy whom you have for a soulmate. If he never lets you down, always stands up to the task, supports you and knows that a midnight pizza is a regular thing when you’re having THESE DAYS, it sometimes becomes impossible not to consider him for the position of your potential boyfriend. Be careful, though: it works the other way round as well. If you’re understanding and accept him the way he is, he might suddenly see you as a woman, and not only his buddy.
Psychologists claim that one often fools oneself by calling someone one likes but doesn’t want anything to happen with a friend. That’s how one builds a fence, so that no one finds out their true feelings. Sometimes one person is in love with the other but knows that a potential relationship won’t simply stand a chance. A friendship with a guy, even though it’s a winding road, is totally doable. Let me give you some examples. Kate Winslet and Leo DiCaprio (yeaaah, ever since Titanic 😉 ), Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling (they also met on set), as well as Julia Roberts and George Clooney.
If you want to stay friends and avoid ambiguous situations, you need to keep a few rules in mind. Above all, keep the distance. Avoid intimate situations. Discuss the possible “what ifs” – have a plan in case one of you decides to fall in love with the other. Make sure to respect the boundaries you’ve established.
OOPS: I’M IN LOVE. WHAT NOW?
Is your friend your best Play Station buddy? Do you compete who eats their burger faster? Does he see you in your sweatpants, without make up and you’re not stressed to confess to him that you don’t really know what to do with your life? It doesn’t mean that he won’t suddenly see you as the woman of his life 😉 Sometimes that’s all it takes. It also works the other way round – you know everything about the problems he’s facing with his ex, and you suddenly realize that you’d be very satisfied to do literally everything for him? It’s typical, not only in Hollywood movies like “Harry met Sally” 😉
Is one of you in love already? Now you have to consider your options. If you’re the one who has feelings for your friend – there’re two solutions. Tell him how you feel and hope that he’s been feeling the same way or (if you have a gut feeling that the affection might not be mutual) control your feelings and try not to think about it. I’ve always gone for the first option, as I know that it’s very hard to have your heart broken and pretend that everything’s OK.
If he admits that he’s started seeing you as something more than a friend recently, and you feel that you’ll never feel ANYTHING romantic, just be straightforward and tell him right away. Don’t tease and beat around the bush, trying to keep your friend around. Try to move forward. His feelings will simply fade away after some time.